nearly committed

Confiding too much in my therapist proved to be a fatal mistake. After a series of events, I was summoned by a doctor. He inquired about my suicide attempt and proceeded to insult me, suggesting I was treating those close to me with cruelty. He described my recent attempt as "pathetic" and looked at me with disgust. Then he asserted that I must lack a conscience and should simply "behave myself." He then contacted crisis services to arrange for my commitment. I looked away and told him his perspective was shallow. After that, I was sent to the hospital and had to talk with two psychiatrists for over an hour. What they said to me was too painful to hear, and I don't even feel like writing it down here. I decided to only say what I thought would get me sent home, and I was released. I hope they all forget about me.

I never, ever expected something like this to happen. I thought this kind of thing only happened in books and movies. I have no idea what the point of any of it was. It didn't help anyone. All I know now is that you should never be honest or open up to people who claim to be on your side. Any little bit of trust I had left in the system is gone. The urge to hurt myself is stronger now than it was before. I feel foolish, ashamed, and pathetic for my actions and for my misplaced hope and trust in the people I thought would help me. I am seriously exhausted.

There were other things too, but they don't matter. If you're reading this, maybe the healthcare system in your country is friendlier. If there's one thing I don't want to discourage, it's seeking help. Just please be careful. Things like this only make everything worse. Be really careful who you talk to. And above all, please stay alive.