fun train trivia

The optimistic times I wrote about before are over. Didn't last long, did they? Lately, all I can think about is how to die. I'm super afraid of heights, but jumping off this building seems like the quickest way. I can't get to the roof, but there's definitely a way to get to a high place with hardly any railings or fences. I'm thinking about blindfolding myself or doing something to avoid looking down. I know it's a really gloomy thought. There's a pathetic part of me, so I probably won't choose this method. Oh well.

Or, I could jump in front of a train. I've been researching places with few security cameras where trains pass by really fast. Fun fact, if you get close to the tracks, even if you don't intend to jump, you'll be spotted immediately by cameras or a passing train. This triggers a warning across the entire rail network, and passing trains will slow down or stop completely. Railway workers will come right away and take you away. So, you'd better find a place to hide until a sufficiently fast train passes.

These obstacles are annoying and discouraging. I actually tried it once. I got right near the tracks, but I got scared by a guy in a vest walking on the other side and ran away. Honestly, the walk home was nice.

Good news is, I haven't self-harmed in over a week. But I really, really want to. It's kind of weird and messed up that I'm actively planning to die but trying not to hurt myself.

Just to let you know, please don't end up like me. Live and enjoy your time in this reality, on this Earth. I know it's strange coming from me, but life is generally worth the struggle.