power

You're wrong. Resources, history, ability... none of that matters here. You can't even imagine that someone being tortured every day could change their way of thinking and somehow make things better. In that situation, it's morally right to kill them. If the situation is visually and physically brutal, everyone should intuitively feel that way.

For some reason, we don't think the same way when the suffering isn't bloody. It's a double standard born from the strange confidence that we understand the experiences of consciousness that we can't experience. It pisses me off so much, I could die.

I don't think I can do this anymore. Spare me the morality lectures and ethics talks. I get it. I know life is important. Suicide is to protect the soul from the body. Surviving is to protect the body from the soul. I don't want to sacrifice my soul just to protect my body. I can't take this anymore. Everything I do just makes things worse. I'm not asking for help, I'm just venting. I just want a moment of relief. I'm going to die in five months.